Haiku News, November 5, 2010

I don’t miss much about Indianapolis, but I do remember the days of sitting at the Qdoba near IUPUI, chowing down on a giant plate of nachos (chicken, with pinto beans, hot salsa, sour cream, cheese, and a little bit of rice, please) and reading a NUVO Newsweekly (think the Indy version of the Chicago Reader).  To my memory, it is the only prominent news outlet for local artists and musicians, while incorporating investigative reporting from a left-leaning perspective–something otherwise tough to find in a blue-collar, NASCAR-lovin’, beer-swillin’ hotbed of ‘Publicanism†.

As a tribute to NUVO, here is my take on a staple of theirs:  haiku news.

Cranky electors/Vote out the incumbents but/Can’t remember why

Olbermann donates/MSNBC makes clear/”We are not Fox News!”

LBJ debuts/Fans watch games, then normalcy/NBA ignored

Colbert and Stewart/Rally thousands to fight fear/And earn blame from Dems

Mark earns victory/Alexi salutes with beer/Barack licks his wounds

Fifteen scores, two picks/Peyton shows that Father Time/Is a deadbeat dad

“Saw 7” premieres/Whose fate is worse:  slaughtered cast/Or tasteful film fan

Cans of Four Loko/Next scare on college campus/Red Bull still legal

†Update:  My friend Neil (hi Neil) asked me an excellent question on facebook:  “wuts rong with beer swillin’?”  While I’m assuming a tongue-in-cheekness with the spelling and all, I must clarify:  there is nothing wrong with beer swillin’.  I love swillin’ beer.  I swilled a beer tonight.  (If High Life counts.)  I mean no disrespect to those who swill beer–nay, I invite everyone to swill a beer.  To beer swillin’!

On a (barely) more serious note, I don’t want to come across as one of those jerks that moves off to The Big City™ and suddenly washes himself of the people and place from whence he came.  My family still lives in Indy, as do many of my closest friends.  I value a lot of relationships I made there to this day, and am proud of the work I did with former students and my old high school.  And, of course, the pride of the city, the Colts.  I think most of my readers understand the balance of affection and immense frustration with the city/state and share my views.

So go beer, go Horse, go…Pacers?  Do we still have the Pacers?


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